i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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