Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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