My hand turned me down
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
