My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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