well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
