Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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