I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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