oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
