Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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