Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
