1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
