So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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