would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
