Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
