I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
