i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sarcasm needs its own font
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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