Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
