I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
