what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
