I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
