I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
