just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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