We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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