Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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