apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
