this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
