I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ladies don't puke and tell
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
