If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
