She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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