Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
