I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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