If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
