my shit smells like andre
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
