I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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