We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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