Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
