haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can you bring me the toilet please
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
