i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
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Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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