he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
