I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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