Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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