mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
