i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize