Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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