i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
worst night to have a conscience
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
