so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
