Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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