Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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