So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
