You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
