A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
