i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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