if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
