I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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