I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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