i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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