I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
