yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
