I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
