Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
