The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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