There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
