Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
