we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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