i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
