I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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