If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
