Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
PANTIES FOUND
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