You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
