i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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