i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
