Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
