since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
