It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
