some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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