I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize