You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
