you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
