While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
