you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
