I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
